Tuesday, March 3, 2015

Sorry I didn't mean to hurt anyone's feelings , but this is who I am


I was introvert by nature since my childhood, always secluded from the world, but its been an year and half people have started giving too much attention , asking about my health, proving how much they love me, showering blessings , love and flattering around .

This is making me feel sick.
I am all irritated to receive  such formal calls and go panic if I do not recive one. I feel like a murderer who is trying to hide its sin.

I want to be with very few people around me, people with same mindsets , that frequency should click , no formalities and less chaos .

Rest please stay away from me..for my well being... else I'll be dead soon and for God sake
  no need to visit during my cremation, please do not be fake, don't do it for society's sake , it all in the science, one has to die , but hello!! as of now I am breathing, if you want me to live longer ..kindly stay away.

Please stay away... Please!!!!!!

#Its a flaw in me, don't feel bad for yourself, you people are normal, I am not!

Monday, February 23, 2015

kyo?

Is baat pe fakra tha ki mei ek ladki hu
Ab kuch samajh nahi aata
Aisa lagta hai mujhe toda ja raha hai
Mujhe mehsoos karwaya ja raha hai
Ki mera sochna galat tha
Khud pe fakra karna galat hai
Mujhe apni chor ke sabki sunni chahiye
Mujhe khud se nahi sirf dusron se pyar hona chaiye
Aur zabardasti ka ye sab dhong karke
Mujhe khush dikhna chahiye
Hasna chahiye, muskurana chahiye

Anushasan ki dor se gala ghota ja raha hai
Maryada ke naam pe sukuun cheena ja raha hai
Jinse mei rishta rakhna chahu wo nazarandaz kar ke
Anchahi rishto ki bediyo mei jakda ja raha hai
Khuda wo mujhe duur se dekhta hai
Chah ke wo bhi kuch kar nahi paa raha hai
Uske hatho mei hota hai sirf zindagi dena
Wo bhi soch mei hai ki Insaan ka aisa hashra kaise hota ja raha hai

Friday, January 2, 2015

Sham-e-tanhaiye hai kaisi
Ek dusre ko dhoond rahe hai janmo se
Subah ki roshni mei ,raat ke andhero mei
Kabhi chand tha to suraj nahi
Kabhi kirnen thi par chandani nahi
-Shivani

Friday, August 22, 2014

ना जाने किसने हमें  रोका है
कि खुद को ज़ंजीर से बांध के
जेल में ताला  लगा के
दुनिया को बतलाया है की हम क़ैद हैं
क़ैद हैं यहाँ अरसो से , बरसों से
वो तरस खाते  हैं , हमे दूर से देख के चले जाते हैं

हमने छुपाई है चाभी कहीं
ना अपने आप को बताते , ना दुनिया को
गम में ख़ुशी का दीदार हैं करते
अपने ज़ख्मों को हम बहुत प्यार है करते

तख्दीर लिखी है ऐसी मैंने
कि जला  के बुझाने की कोशिश दर्शाते
मज़ा तो आता है उड़ती राख को देख के
जलाते भी हम हैं  , बुझाते भी हम हैं  और उड़ाते भी हम हैं 

Wednesday, July 30, 2014


It is difficult when it comes to expressing myself…A word spoken out  increases my  heart beat … and another word makes my body warm…saliva is all there inside my mouth.. I took a gulp of it into my lungs creates thunder and storm inside my mind and heart… my eyes turned pale and restless during this endless meaningless conversation…I am waiting for a conclusion, a conclusion which would bring peace …but there I can see thousands of arrows coming this way through heartless bow with judgmental sharp points. It hurts.

Saturday, July 26, 2014


The more I know people…more I loose faith in you..God…I want to be alone and close to you

Sunday, June 22, 2014

HBD



My Birthday is today... My friends bought cake for me......there is no one else around.. was it that cold breeze that made them present here?  ..I can inhale this air
without any hindrance, this is so much satisfying,, the gifts I can see....those colored boxes with silver ribbon on each...
I do not want to open them..they look beautiful that way..but my friends..they are not uttering a word...all I can see is a humble smile on their faces..
Please say something... wish me..hug me tight... tap on my head.. make jokes on me... be weird ... but don’t be silent…
I opened my eyes...few tears rolled out... each of them I counted as my birthday gifts...the memories…